The Smartest Guy in the Room
Paul the Octopus
The winner of this week’s Smartest Guy in the Room award isn’t exactly a guy. Now I know you are all thinking “Well shouldn’t the winner of the world-renown Smartest Guy in the Room award at least have to be a guy since its in the title?” The answer is yes with two exceptions. So the answer is actually no. The first exception is that the Smartest Guy award can go to a girl, because lets face it guys, usually the Smartest Guy in the room is actually a girl anyway. The second exception is octopi (octopuses?). That’s because this weeks Smartest Guy in the Room award goes to Paul the Octopus, and here’s why:
Paul is a phenom. He is absolutely the Tiger Woods of choosing World Cup winners, and I’m sure he gets plenty of game from all of the Lady octopusses (intentionally misspelled). Experts can’t agree on how he does it. Some say he has tapped into the 90 percent of his brain that is normally dormant, that even we humans possess. Okay that’s complete bullshit but there is no denying that Paul’s brain is probably more developed than even many humans (if you’re still wondering the caption to that photo is also completely false). Think of all the choices that the average person struggles with in a day. Fruity Pebbles or Cocoa Pebbles? This tie or that one? Big Mac or Whopper? Dykes of Hazzard or Breast Side Story (I would personally suggest Edward Penishands)?
But not Paul. He is not only decisive, but he gets it RIGHT! He knew he was going to eat Cocoa Pebbles when he got out of bed and got his swag on. Props to Soulja Boy for coming up with a song so horrible that Paul would likely pick “racism” rather than that piece of noisy ass-porridge. Paul doesn’t miss. He doesn’t mess up, and he always brings his A-game. Its like he’s Lebron in the regular season, or maybe the Cubs right before Spring Training. If Paul says its so, you can take it to the bank, because its going to happen. He’s as reliable as M. Night Shyamalan’s last 3 movies were shitty, and that’s why he won this week’s Smartest Guy in the Room.